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:iconthequeen-ofhearts: More from TheQueen-ofHearts

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Submitted on
June 18, 2011
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5 (who?)

The bartender sighed. "What now, Ezia?" The Renaissance Assassin had been bugging him the whole shopping trip! He was usually in and out in a short amount of time which was doubled now that the Animus glitched turning Ezio into Ezia and putting him-now-her into 2012.

The woman held up a jar of Nutella. "It's Italian, si?" She said brightly, that accent of her getting seductive and...well...Italian.

"'s Italian."

Her chocolate eyes shined in mirth and she began to bounce softly.  "Oh Desmond, Dessy! May we pretty please get it?!"

Desmond sighed...the woman had asked for pasta supplies as well...but she was his great, great, great grandmother and he couldn't say 'no' without sexual harassment...or worse...loud crying...damn Italians. "Fine..."

"Oh grazie!" She cried in delight and ran to him, kissing his cheek. "I have a nice little bambino~" She then deposited her latest find into the basket and skipped off ahead.

"Any god up there...please...kill me." Desmond sighed in displeasure.

Soon, they were checking out, with Ezia singing 'It's amore'...she was pretty good, but she was drew attention...unwanted attention.

"Ezia...Ezia...please...calm down." Desmond hissed, grabbing her arm.

That started it. "Ehhh...Dessy doesn't like me~" She whined, tears already welling up into her eyes.

"" The poor man said, then scrounged up some half-assed Italian. "T-ti amo così tanto, la mia bellissima aquila reale."

That made Ezia freeze and a blush form. "R-really?!" She cried, his pronunciation was just so cute!

"S-si..." Desmond blushed, swiping his credit card. He could almost hear the others laughing at him.

They were driving back to Desmond's apartment when Ezia cried loudly. "IT'S FRIDAY!" She then licked some Nutella from her finger, having fallen in love with the spread.

Desmond paled, please dear god not THAT song...but he got something MUCH worse.

The Italian woman screwed the lid on the jar and smiled. "We'll use this tonight!"

Desmond looked at her. "W-what?!"

"You said Friday's I can do as I will and I want to use Nutella."

Fricken horny ancestors. Desmond was lucky the traffic stopped because he slammed his forehead into the steering wheel. "Fine..." He growled...damn woman.

The next day, Desmond woke to Ezia snuggling into his bare chest with leftover Nutella dried into her long hair. He has to admit...finding new uses for Nutella was a pleasurable experience.
I couldn't do full on...THAT...but meh.


I was craving Nutella then I remember it was Italian in origin. I then thought of Assassin's Creed and pulled a rule #63.

Rule 63 is a rule of the internet that reads as follows: "For any given male character, there is a female version of that character."

Ti amo così tanto, la mia bellissima aquila reale.= I love you so much, my beautiful golden eagle.

Assassin's Creed © Ubisoft
Nutella© Ferrero
Angeloflight925 Aug 20, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Ummm...weird....but funny!!
But seriously, Ezia??!
TheQueen-ofHearts Sep 30, 2011  Hobbyist Artist
Meh I was too lazy to think of anything better XD
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